I spent some time editing the first chapter of a new project, preparing myself to move onto the second chapter only to discover something about True Grace. A few of you, okay, anyone who knows me, ask me on a consistent basis how my writing is coming along. The answer is generally the same - a shamed remark with intentionally positive undertones with nothing to really show for myself. I am excited. It's coming along, yada yada.

The truth is, I am creating a product. Like anyone creating a product, I must go through the a specific process, only I am new to this creative product business and follow a blind path. With as much intelligent and even wise information that my predecessors and incredible authors before me can lend or beat into me, I just haven't gotten it right away. It is soaking in though.

Just yesterday I had a revelation. The first draft of the novel is written, I am working on the second draft or the first revision. Easy information for all of you, but to me it revelatory. I kept insisting that I was still writing the first draft, slowly laboring and getting a little discouraged. But indeed I passed that stage, a sign of progress, into another stage. It was exciting, a bit of success for my heart. True Grace has been in works for four years - four exciting, growing, developing and life altering years, not simply for the books, but for me. I had to go through the change because I have an intense desire to bring accuracy and real huan nature, the human condition, to my characters.

If you think it's hard to be interested in all I have said about the books I am writing and not get to read anything I am working on, believe me it is harder for me to not be ready to share anything. I am close. This month I will find out on a submission from November. As soon as I find out, I will post the news, good or bad (no bad news though, only experience). I can't wait to share the short story I submitted, but I legally need to wait until submission results come in.

I can't share what is from the novels just yet, the content is still developing and I risk writing something that won't even be in the books. Just for fun, I may share a portion of the submission from class, but it may or may not make it into the book, though it is definitely the characters from True Grace.

Thanks for your support my friends, it is encouraging!

Good Morning

In the struggle to find words to share with you about my process of writing, I look no further than the day to day happenings of my life. First, the word expectations keeps popping up. I have expectations of myself and concern about what others will think.

Hold the tirade please, I know, I know, we aren't supposed to worry about what others think, I am familiar with the notion, but in the end, the risk I have taken to share my journey brings the beast around. I expressed this journey in faith, and, whether you realize it or not, I have a level of accountability in people having expectations that I will follow through with what I said (good). I can't give up. But, the faceless masses of my readers haunt me to finish faster (bad).

Fear of not doing well can paralyze, does paralyze, but nothing worth gaining doesn't have obstacles. My mind is my greatest obstacle. I have chosen to fight this battle. I don't just want to write a book for publishing sake, I have high expectations that the books I publish will be great; well written, engaging, challenging, cannot-put-down reads.

So, this war of expectations ensues. For me, for you, for millions of people, because I believe that God deserves my best, not perfection, but a story that will point people in His direction.

I expect to work hard, fumble and falter, pick myself up again and move forward through the storm. Getting up one more time!

This process of being a writer and eventual author (yes, I am speaking all the life into it as possible) is one wrought with insecurities, doubt, obsession, being overwhelmed and, frankly, the sense that I might be crazy. No, not mentally unstable, but alone. Sometimes my inspirations for short stories are bazaar, strange enough that I don't have the courage yet to write them, or claim that I wrote them.

I am not afraid of criticism, not everything I write will be for everyone. What I am afraid of is putting my blood, sweat, tears, time, sleepless nights, random moments in line at the bank, time when others watch TV or do something else fun, and getting nothing for my efforts. It is okay to be ambitious when the duration of your efforts is short. But I am entering my fourth year with True Grace, the novel, and still have a ramshackle version of a beautiful story. How's that for crazy?

I know that I know, that I know that I am supposed to be writing. Man, that is faith. I can't see it, yet I still do it. Each step is a huge success, even without publication or agent in sight (that will all come), that is why I write; because I can't not write. I do promise this- I will finish this story (and many more) for the reading pleasure of those that want to read it. No pressure, no expectation. I have a story, I will write it, then I will share it.

I surface to be a part of this world, but I do feel alone sometimes in the craziest worlds of incredible imagination. That is a gift; the ability to retreat to innocence and worlds I can only imagine! But I have to go alone. Ah, the perils and the blessings of writing.

Progress

The last few months haven't exactly gone the way I had hoped or expected, but such is life! My writing course and especially my instructor have been invaluable, irreplaceable. I am thrilled with the progress I have made in the last three months of strict writing, though, as always, I am not exactly where I wish I were (that would be ready for publishing!). I am in the other hand, a cleaner writer, an even more voracious reader, and an artist at heart. The words keep coming, ideas are flowing, and, my life, my children and my husband have not suffered for it. Success!

I am a writer, there is no getting around it, but I am also a very proud mother, wife and viable member of my community. I believe that even though the process is a bit slower than I would like, I have found balance with the things I love. Everything has taken a slight hit, I only have 100% of me to give. I have sacrificed a few areas to be able to have balance in every area.

I have set the original story aside to marinate and develop without such hands-on manipulation, to work on a new project, one I am really excited about, obviously. It is stretching me, beyond what I think I am as a writer, but there is a magnificent story for a new audience. I can't share too much, I need to be a crazy-haired artist while this story develops, but in due time, I will be sharing pieces for critique and your enjoyment.

Beginnings and Re-beginnings

The most common thing you hear from editors, publishers and agents is to make sure the beginning of your book is stellar; you must hook your reader. If not, they will cast your book aside, no matter how good the story eventually gets or how it ends. They simply don't have faith in you if you can't start well.

I have written and re-written the beginning of my book, and, it has gotten better each time. While studying for my online course today, I came across yet another compelling section on beginning well. It challenged me (again) and made me take my first chapter to task.

Story aside, it got me to thinking about life in general. We are all in a season of new beginnings. I know, I know, it's kind of cliche to continually restart at the new year, I personally have attitude about New Year's resolutions; they are usually primed to fail. But I think it's high time each of us evaluates our goals and really take them to task.

Set up mini-milestones in the midst of your goals so that you feel that sense of accomplishment and satisfaction that you deserve. Resist the temptation to avoid self-evaluation; it is your greatest indicator of how you should be moving forward. Ask yourself the tough questions, you have to be able to self-feed and self diagnose. It is imperative to your success; no one else can do it for you, and if you try to rely on others, it is a sure sign of impending failure.

So, in a season of beginnings, it's okay to re-begin, over and over, until you accomplish that much desired goal. You are worth it, your future is worth it and ultimately, your God and King is worth your efforts. So, push on my friends, push on; re-beginnings are not a sign of failure, but rather editing, revision and ultimately a finely tuned and stellar version of who you are!

Human Design

Man, I figured out one reason why this book series is so tough to write...

I am not just wrestling with the normal elements of writing; style, theme, plot, characters, setting, voice etc, I am developing an expose on human nature and, well, the spiritual realm. It isn't just about telling a story, I want to tell the story with truth and validity. I want it to not just be a good read, but something that cuts through to the heart of man; you.

So, the responsibility is huge. I can't just write a story, I have to write it well and more importantly, I have to write truth. I feel very convicted to not just write a great piece of fiction, but one that exposes Godly characteristics and this life of faith.

That is a bit overwhelming. Okay, it's A LOT overwhelming. But, regardless of my lackluster blogging efforts, I do still plug on, writing these thin, invisible threads of human nature into stories and snippets to eventually be a wonderful story.

PRAY for me, I need it right now!

Love, Loves