Whether I blog or not, the reason for my blog still does exist. Sometimes I feel psychotic; little arguments and neurotic moments I have in my daily life as a writer sometimes overwhelm and consume me. Other moments, I feel incredible clarity. I don't really want to share all the nitty-gritty behind the book because what is behind the book is me, and, really I am not all that interesting... or am I? See, neurotic moments.
I digress. The very poorly yet lovingly written first draft of True Grace pounded out in just under a month, a flood of passion and inspiration, is now behind me. It is better than the original first draft of the novel but this work is still far from being done.
I live an exciting life, one full of discovery and wisdom that only God could bring out. This story exudes the life lessons I have learned and triumphed through. It is a product of the lessons I have learned and therefore, anyone who knows me, really understands me, will understand why spiritual warfare had to be the theme of the book. The story is getting better and better, full of richness and flavor that is a privilege to write.
It is a novel, a work of fiction, but it is also an expose. Based on the real life discoveries of the triune part of human (flesh, soul and spirit) and a life lived as a Christian, the story exposes the reality of the spiritual realm, God's design for it, and the part that humans play in, well, humanity and history. But it is so much bigger than that! It isn't just a story, it isn't something that is to be read and shelved; I want it to act as a catalyst for people to desire to discover the reality of what the story is about - the Creator of this universe!
I an excited about not just the story, but what I have been learning in real life that will translate into likable, admirable and inspiring characters. The plot has morphed from a good idea to an action packed and dramatic suspense ride. I am excited to share it, but in due time.
The story moves forward, every day. Though always a joy, it sometimes feels like I am wrestling an invisible enemy. It's hard to keep plugging along, but I do, even though it is difficult. And hopefully, like diamonds and pearls, all this pressure, time and "darkness" will produce gems and pearls worthy of the term priceless. So, I continue on.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Saturday, December 4, 2010
I think there is a lot to be said for time, it's something that renders the fat out of an otherwise lofty, grandiose hype (all has come out of my mouth). Time gives me the opportunity to stick my nose to the grindstone and really prove that I have this in me.
I definitely have the doubts, the low points that drag me into discouragement, and I am not in this to simply stroke my ego, fuel my self-esteem or look for affirmation from other people; in fact, I know this story isn't for everyone.
But when I hit a wall, which is why you haven't heard from me in the last two weeks, I did the only things I knew to do; pray, practice, take a breather, pray some more, practice some more, focus and keep at it.
Obstacles separate the dreamers from the achievers. Easier said than done, and I only have a few years of this under my belt.
The good news is that (most importantly) God showed up, when I needed him most. This life isn't mystical, there is a lot to be said about the role God plays but He also gives humans free will as well as the pleasure of working the things He gives us to do. More good news - we don't toil in vain. One foot in front of the other, soil is cultivated, seeds are planted, time passes and care is poured into the crop. When the harvest comes, the harvesters can take joy in the crop, the production of their labor.
Tilling the soil, planting the seeds. I'm still moving forward.
I definitely have the doubts, the low points that drag me into discouragement, and I am not in this to simply stroke my ego, fuel my self-esteem or look for affirmation from other people; in fact, I know this story isn't for everyone.
But when I hit a wall, which is why you haven't heard from me in the last two weeks, I did the only things I knew to do; pray, practice, take a breather, pray some more, practice some more, focus and keep at it.
Obstacles separate the dreamers from the achievers. Easier said than done, and I only have a few years of this under my belt.
The good news is that (most importantly) God showed up, when I needed him most. This life isn't mystical, there is a lot to be said about the role God plays but He also gives humans free will as well as the pleasure of working the things He gives us to do. More good news - we don't toil in vain. One foot in front of the other, soil is cultivated, seeds are planted, time passes and care is poured into the crop. When the harvest comes, the harvesters can take joy in the crop, the production of their labor.
Tilling the soil, planting the seeds. I'm still moving forward.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Help, I need somebody - HELP!
Catchy title, but it is purposefully misleading. The question I pose to you is this - Are you a "self" helper or do you constantly need the help of others?
I am in the "business" of helping people. It is what I am called to do, but I am also in the business of helping people discover the resources they need to continue their spiritual formation on their own, developing a community of people around them, and give to and serve others as well.
We all have to start somewhere. We have to have "other" discipline in order to learn the gift and fruit of "self" discipline***. It is necessary to look to others for help, you shouldn't ever feel guilty for asking for help, but there comes a point when you must stop holding another person's hand and jump into the deep end yourself.
Some people naturally have this fire inside to continually self start and stoke their fire. Others need convincing, and still others need a semi-truck to drag them along. But we can all be self motivated and cultivate that learning process for ourselves.
The process I take (I am no expert) is I am constantly curious about something. I stoke that curiosity with research; magazines, blogs, websites, and people. I ask a lot of questions - I get my feet wet.
Once I get comfortable in the area of interest, I continue the research phase, but I start to implement what I have learned. I have done this with strength training, triathlon training, mountain biking, cooking, writing, painting, home improvement, deliverance, old testament bible history, baseball, psychology and loads more. Put your hand to it, get involved. Branch out of your comfort zone!
Then, keep going. Get out of bed and take the next step when you feel like you don't want to. I don't always feel like writing, cooking, working out, or studying, but I discipline myself through the discouragement and lack of desire. Then, eventually, I feel like it again. I have kept up the journey, and moved through the discomfort.
What have you been putting off that you should start? Go for it! And then... keep going. ;)
*** How people Grow by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend
I am in the "business" of helping people. It is what I am called to do, but I am also in the business of helping people discover the resources they need to continue their spiritual formation on their own, developing a community of people around them, and give to and serve others as well.
We all have to start somewhere. We have to have "other" discipline in order to learn the gift and fruit of "self" discipline***. It is necessary to look to others for help, you shouldn't ever feel guilty for asking for help, but there comes a point when you must stop holding another person's hand and jump into the deep end yourself.
Some people naturally have this fire inside to continually self start and stoke their fire. Others need convincing, and still others need a semi-truck to drag them along. But we can all be self motivated and cultivate that learning process for ourselves.
The process I take (I am no expert) is I am constantly curious about something. I stoke that curiosity with research; magazines, blogs, websites, and people. I ask a lot of questions - I get my feet wet.
Once I get comfortable in the area of interest, I continue the research phase, but I start to implement what I have learned. I have done this with strength training, triathlon training, mountain biking, cooking, writing, painting, home improvement, deliverance, old testament bible history, baseball, psychology and loads more. Put your hand to it, get involved. Branch out of your comfort zone!
Then, keep going. Get out of bed and take the next step when you feel like you don't want to. I don't always feel like writing, cooking, working out, or studying, but I discipline myself through the discouragement and lack of desire. Then, eventually, I feel like it again. I have kept up the journey, and moved through the discomfort.
What have you been putting off that you should start? Go for it! And then... keep going. ;)
*** How people Grow by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Marble Canvass
I work well with word pictures. My mind dances around pictures and words as art - but I learn from these pictures; about who I am, about where I'm going, about how I can help others.
I find a blank piece of paper or a blank document on my computer exhilarating - full of possibilities. I don't see a daunting task, rather an opportunity.
I have noticed, though, that writing is different from other art forms. Not that I am an expert on all things artistic. I picture part of the process of writing as chipping away at a marble slab. Michelangelo, the creator of the renaissance masterpiece "David", once answered a question about the process of creating such a beautiful work of art. When asked how he accomplished such a task he simply (or maybe even comically) answered, "I just chipped away anything that was not David."
Profound.
The problem, or rather process, a writer faces is that I don't get to start with a marble slab. I have to create the marble slab and then chip away at everything that isn't "True Grace." I start with a blank document and must fill the empty spaces with something to chip away at.
I admire the writers that have forged the way ahead of me. I can glean from their insight, learn from their struggles and hopefully curtail much of the needlessly painful process.
And fill those empty spaces I am doing. I read through the rough, raw and imperfect and see such possibility. I see a lot of what is and isn't True Grace, but I refrain from hacking away just yet. There is much of the story to still be told.
I find a blank piece of paper or a blank document on my computer exhilarating - full of possibilities. I don't see a daunting task, rather an opportunity.
I have noticed, though, that writing is different from other art forms. Not that I am an expert on all things artistic. I picture part of the process of writing as chipping away at a marble slab. Michelangelo, the creator of the renaissance masterpiece "David", once answered a question about the process of creating such a beautiful work of art. When asked how he accomplished such a task he simply (or maybe even comically) answered, "I just chipped away anything that was not David."
Profound.
The problem, or rather process, a writer faces is that I don't get to start with a marble slab. I have to create the marble slab and then chip away at everything that isn't "True Grace." I start with a blank document and must fill the empty spaces with something to chip away at.
I admire the writers that have forged the way ahead of me. I can glean from their insight, learn from their struggles and hopefully curtail much of the needlessly painful process.
And fill those empty spaces I am doing. I read through the rough, raw and imperfect and see such possibility. I see a lot of what is and isn't True Grace, but I refrain from hacking away just yet. There is much of the story to still be told.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Wrestling Unmatched
One of the foundational tips of advice from all the magazines, blogs, books and authors I've read, is that a writer needs to know who their audience is. Who are they speaking to?
I purposefully avoided this question, thinking it would just flesh itself out, which it did, but I denied what I discovered (for three years). I didn't like the answer.
This past week, two dynamic and challenging friends (thank you Ryan and Justin) put me on the spot and asked me questions about the books. They wanted to know the overall plot, theme and audience. Yes, it actually came out of their mouths, almost simultaneously. (I'm listening!)
I told them what I wanted the answer to be and then laughed uncomfortably spilling the beans that I think God is taking it in a different direction; one I don't agree with. They challenged me to rethink my resistance; they know this isn't my story to write, I'm just along for the ride.
I've never said otherwise. This story is God's; I am just blessed to get to be the one to learn the lessons and write them into a beautiful word picture. I laughed it off, but was uncomfortable with how right they were.
So I wrestled, but with God it's always an unfair match. I tried to persuade him why my preferred audience was better for me. He humored me and let me wrestle Him. I tried to manipulate elements of the story to read for my audience. It didn't come out right.
The moments I shut off my agenda and just write, the Holy Spirit makes an entrance into my soul and breathes life into dirt. The story comes out beautiful, and I am just a spectator for the majority of it!
So, yesterday, I stopped wrestling and made a declaration to God that I was on board for what he wants to do... again.
True Grace is a spiritual thriller written for young adults. I have my reasons for why I wanted to write to adults; those reasons were selfish and unfounded. I look forward to this journey. With my resistance gone I look forward to the opportunities and obstacles that this genre presents.
Now you have it - and so do I - and, ultimately, God's really the one who's got it.
I purposefully avoided this question, thinking it would just flesh itself out, which it did, but I denied what I discovered (for three years). I didn't like the answer.
This past week, two dynamic and challenging friends (thank you Ryan and Justin) put me on the spot and asked me questions about the books. They wanted to know the overall plot, theme and audience. Yes, it actually came out of their mouths, almost simultaneously. (I'm listening!)
I told them what I wanted the answer to be and then laughed uncomfortably spilling the beans that I think God is taking it in a different direction; one I don't agree with. They challenged me to rethink my resistance; they know this isn't my story to write, I'm just along for the ride.
I've never said otherwise. This story is God's; I am just blessed to get to be the one to learn the lessons and write them into a beautiful word picture. I laughed it off, but was uncomfortable with how right they were.
So I wrestled, but with God it's always an unfair match. I tried to persuade him why my preferred audience was better for me. He humored me and let me wrestle Him. I tried to manipulate elements of the story to read for my audience. It didn't come out right.
The moments I shut off my agenda and just write, the Holy Spirit makes an entrance into my soul and breathes life into dirt. The story comes out beautiful, and I am just a spectator for the majority of it!
So, yesterday, I stopped wrestling and made a declaration to God that I was on board for what he wants to do... again.
True Grace is a spiritual thriller written for young adults. I have my reasons for why I wanted to write to adults; those reasons were selfish and unfounded. I look forward to this journey. With my resistance gone I look forward to the opportunities and obstacles that this genre presents.
Now you have it - and so do I - and, ultimately, God's really the one who's got it.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Faith
Faith is the catalyst to do something remarkable. The spark that ignites your ability to move beyond disbelief, doubt and even logic.
Hebrews 11:1 "Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen, it gives us assurance about things we cannot see."
Sometimes we appear to be crazy, irrational, and downright dumb to the world, but in our faith (read craziness) we move forward into realms deemed impossible by anyone who is paralyzed by logical movement.
It doesn't make sense for me to think that I have a voice worth hearing, a message worth sharing or a goal worth achieving; but I do press forward with blind faith, a confidence that precedes fear, and perseverance that overcomes any obstacle.
What are you hearing from the spirit of God that sounds crazy? Just ponder that for a moment.
What is the greatness that God has put in you to achieve things outside of your ability? What do you have in your hand that you can work until your fingers are bloody, to the ends of your ability, when only God can carry you further? Have you stepped from beyond your means into the realm of the unknown - the point your ability ends and greatness takes over? Sometimes it takes that great measure of faith to exhaust your resources, because that is when we "allow" God to move in our life.
I believe in my own life that God waits patiently for me to stop messing around and truly come to the end of myself, for Him to go the rest of the distance (or in some cases give me the ability to work in a miracle when I had no other means).
Crazy faith; it's not supposed to make sense - I'm ready to step from the realm of possible, into the realm of impossible.
Hebrews 11:1 "Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen, it gives us assurance about things we cannot see."
Sometimes we appear to be crazy, irrational, and downright dumb to the world, but in our faith (read craziness) we move forward into realms deemed impossible by anyone who is paralyzed by logical movement.
It doesn't make sense for me to think that I have a voice worth hearing, a message worth sharing or a goal worth achieving; but I do press forward with blind faith, a confidence that precedes fear, and perseverance that overcomes any obstacle.
What are you hearing from the spirit of God that sounds crazy? Just ponder that for a moment.
What is the greatness that God has put in you to achieve things outside of your ability? What do you have in your hand that you can work until your fingers are bloody, to the ends of your ability, when only God can carry you further? Have you stepped from beyond your means into the realm of the unknown - the point your ability ends and greatness takes over? Sometimes it takes that great measure of faith to exhaust your resources, because that is when we "allow" God to move in our life.
I believe in my own life that God waits patiently for me to stop messing around and truly come to the end of myself, for Him to go the rest of the distance (or in some cases give me the ability to work in a miracle when I had no other means).
Crazy faith; it's not supposed to make sense - I'm ready to step from the realm of possible, into the realm of impossible.
Whispers
I notice myself in these seasons where one specific conviction, change or lesson seems to come up over and over again, louder than other ones. But it tends to creep in a whispers, ironically. Whether it is the message I am gleaning from my quiet time (right now I am stuck on Matthew 25:14 - 30), sentences that jump off a page in a book or physical and tangible "practice" in the real world; one specific thing tends to be a focus of my learning.
I can't say for sure, I never try to speculate what God is saying or doing, but sometimes it seems He is prepping me for my next season of difficulty or tribulation.
So, drum roll please... the current one is perseverance. The "P" word has come up in dreams, books, scripture, conversation, prayer, coaching and in general in my life as of late. This one has been a go-to lesson a lot since I became a Christian, but it has circled back around, again.
You may see the glaringly obvious - my "new" venture into writing - but I don't want to be narrow-minded enough to think that that is the only area in which I will need perseverance. So, my friends, hang on, because if you're attached to me in the least bit, we may all be in for a ride!
Prayerfully and humbly, I will be fighting through this season with perseverance; may the whispers be enough to grow my faith, sharpen my discipline, deepen my friendships and strengthen my character. Be blessed!
I can't say for sure, I never try to speculate what God is saying or doing, but sometimes it seems He is prepping me for my next season of difficulty or tribulation.
So, drum roll please... the current one is perseverance. The "P" word has come up in dreams, books, scripture, conversation, prayer, coaching and in general in my life as of late. This one has been a go-to lesson a lot since I became a Christian, but it has circled back around, again.
You may see the glaringly obvious - my "new" venture into writing - but I don't want to be narrow-minded enough to think that that is the only area in which I will need perseverance. So, my friends, hang on, because if you're attached to me in the least bit, we may all be in for a ride!
Prayerfully and humbly, I will be fighting through this season with perseverance; may the whispers be enough to grow my faith, sharpen my discipline, deepen my friendships and strengthen my character. Be blessed!
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Practice
I had some good practice yesterday when given an opportunity to explain the story to someone - out loud. As writing is my craft, it is easy to write it to explain it, but saying it out loud tends to flesh out flaws and weaknesses in it. This is a great thing!
In explaining my characters and the plot over the three books, I quickly realized some holes that need filling and some dialogue that needs changing. This was vital to this process in my head.
Because the big picture is all in my head, it is easy to assume that something might be communicated on paper, but in reality, back story needs to come out, or conversely, too much of an information dump of useless information stands as a huge weakness in the middle.
Some good practice last night; an opportunity to be better and produce a better product!
In explaining my characters and the plot over the three books, I quickly realized some holes that need filling and some dialogue that needs changing. This was vital to this process in my head.
Because the big picture is all in my head, it is easy to assume that something might be communicated on paper, but in reality, back story needs to come out, or conversely, too much of an information dump of useless information stands as a huge weakness in the middle.
Some good practice last night; an opportunity to be better and produce a better product!
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Wow!
Success! I know I am in first draft mode, which doesn't say much because it's the revision and polishing that does a story good, but, danggit, I'm CELEBRATING!
I struggled with some character development and tension, the dynamic in the middle of the love triangle. The two main characters, the ones that are meant to be together, just made an intense move in the direction I needed them to go. It was a missing element up until this point. I labored on paper and in my head over this for three years!
I have been bad at creating tension in the story: I know where the characters are, I know where they need to be so I take them to that point! But that isn't a good read. It isn't about the path of least resistance or the quickest route there. I was skipping the reason people read! Tension! Drama!
Today I focused on creating tension and after a few pages voila! Palpable tension, and much deserved victory!
I struggled, along with my characters! It was almost unbearable.
Have you experienced first love recently? I hadn't, not since 1999, when I experienced a whirlwind first love with the most amazing man I have ever met (my husband). It was like reliving those moments where your next breath hangs on what they are thinking. But things are too new to actually ask what they are thinking and, even if you did, they would be just as unsure and unwilling to share what they are thinking. Whew, that was tense!
This is a draft I can be proud of! Hence all the exclamation points in almost every sentence.
I can't give you much more for now and I don't have much inspiration to lend today, but I can tell you that some success has come in this journey for me! I am on my way, one step at a time.
By the way, Novel Word Count: 22,174 at 53 pages so far. One and a half weeks into the first draft process! I'm aiming for 100,000 to 120,000 (an estimate)
I struggled with some character development and tension, the dynamic in the middle of the love triangle. The two main characters, the ones that are meant to be together, just made an intense move in the direction I needed them to go. It was a missing element up until this point. I labored on paper and in my head over this for three years!
I have been bad at creating tension in the story: I know where the characters are, I know where they need to be so I take them to that point! But that isn't a good read. It isn't about the path of least resistance or the quickest route there. I was skipping the reason people read! Tension! Drama!
Today I focused on creating tension and after a few pages voila! Palpable tension, and much deserved victory!
I struggled, along with my characters! It was almost unbearable.
Have you experienced first love recently? I hadn't, not since 1999, when I experienced a whirlwind first love with the most amazing man I have ever met (my husband). It was like reliving those moments where your next breath hangs on what they are thinking. But things are too new to actually ask what they are thinking and, even if you did, they would be just as unsure and unwilling to share what they are thinking. Whew, that was tense!
This is a draft I can be proud of! Hence all the exclamation points in almost every sentence.
I can't give you much more for now and I don't have much inspiration to lend today, but I can tell you that some success has come in this journey for me! I am on my way, one step at a time.
By the way, Novel Word Count: 22,174 at 53 pages so far. One and a half weeks into the first draft process! I'm aiming for 100,000 to 120,000 (an estimate)
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Big Picture - Little Picture
I am a dreamer, it is in my blood. But I believe I do you a disservice by just asking you to dream. I think I was wrong when I ignited that fire. Because it is by God's spirit that we are inspired; it is God alone that our dreams are forged.
The problem lays not with the dream.
Sometimes I encounter people who feel they can't dream anymore. Whether exhausted by life, or lost in the past, the big picture is gone. But I don't feel that is the case with most of you. I believe that your dream is so big, you don't know where to start.
If this isn't for you, quit reading.
The journey of a thousand miles... begins with the first step. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. How do you build a home? One brick at a time.
Keep that dream on the forefront. Explore it with the enthusiasm of first love; experience it over and over again. Let your own inspiration inspire you again and again. And then refuse to let it overwhelm you. Choose to be a hard worker.
I am a dreamer, the dream is never difficult for me. It is a vivid picture with all the passion in the world fueling my breathless emotions from moment to moment every day. I find myself on the brink of hopelessness occasionally too. Sometimes this dream is too big. I know that if I focus only on the dream, I'll never get there.
Thank God for my name. Since birth, my parents called me "industrious". Every time they called out to me to wash my hands, or get to bed, they called me hard-working. Every time a teacher told me I couldn't, they said "Industrious one, you'll never be a writer", my very name negated their curse. Everyone of you who have called me by name have encouraged me to work my hardest to accomplish my dreams.
It is a commitment I make to myself to pull my head from the dream to focus on what I can put my hands to right now. Every day, I read something. I journal, jot down my musings, focus my scattered energy on making sense of the puzzle pieces.
I encourage you to find balance between the dream and the work. The dream is the easy part, it's the work that is hard. Find joy in the work. Find pleasure in each step as it slowly makes its way to the goal. Patience is a virtue; practice it. Choose to savor the slow journey. The work is far more rewarding than the fast-food way we want to achieve success.
Be pleased with the required time and effort, it means that not everyone can reach your dream, only you can. If everyone could do it, it wouldn't be worth doing.
Marry your dream to hard work and birth out the best you possible. This is your opportunity. Faith without works is dead. Have faith and work at it. Now, what can you do today to start or continue your journey? Don't worry about tomorrow, it will be here before you know it. Tomorrow, you can decide what to do to continue, focus on today.
The problem lays not with the dream.
Sometimes I encounter people who feel they can't dream anymore. Whether exhausted by life, or lost in the past, the big picture is gone. But I don't feel that is the case with most of you. I believe that your dream is so big, you don't know where to start.
If this isn't for you, quit reading.
The journey of a thousand miles... begins with the first step. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. How do you build a home? One brick at a time.
Keep that dream on the forefront. Explore it with the enthusiasm of first love; experience it over and over again. Let your own inspiration inspire you again and again. And then refuse to let it overwhelm you. Choose to be a hard worker.
I am a dreamer, the dream is never difficult for me. It is a vivid picture with all the passion in the world fueling my breathless emotions from moment to moment every day. I find myself on the brink of hopelessness occasionally too. Sometimes this dream is too big. I know that if I focus only on the dream, I'll never get there.
Thank God for my name. Since birth, my parents called me "industrious". Every time they called out to me to wash my hands, or get to bed, they called me hard-working. Every time a teacher told me I couldn't, they said "Industrious one, you'll never be a writer", my very name negated their curse. Everyone of you who have called me by name have encouraged me to work my hardest to accomplish my dreams.
It is a commitment I make to myself to pull my head from the dream to focus on what I can put my hands to right now. Every day, I read something. I journal, jot down my musings, focus my scattered energy on making sense of the puzzle pieces.
I encourage you to find balance between the dream and the work. The dream is the easy part, it's the work that is hard. Find joy in the work. Find pleasure in each step as it slowly makes its way to the goal. Patience is a virtue; practice it. Choose to savor the slow journey. The work is far more rewarding than the fast-food way we want to achieve success.
Be pleased with the required time and effort, it means that not everyone can reach your dream, only you can. If everyone could do it, it wouldn't be worth doing.
Marry your dream to hard work and birth out the best you possible. This is your opportunity. Faith without works is dead. Have faith and work at it. Now, what can you do today to start or continue your journey? Don't worry about tomorrow, it will be here before you know it. Tomorrow, you can decide what to do to continue, focus on today.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Marathon Pace
Today has been a good day.
A little over one week of consistent, diligent and intentional writing under my belt and I feel like the pace is sustainable.
My Moleskine notebook is getting its wear and tear. The beautiful little navy blue book has the written contents of my brain all over it. Random thoughts, sketches of business cards, scattered notes from writer's blogs, articles from writing magazines, "quotes" from my characters, observations from life and a list of books I need to read.
Each day is success, one small brick in the building process. I feel like I poured gasoline on the fire last week and I am beginning to feel the effects of the "rager" slowing to a steady fire. I have no grand notion that the heat will rage for a long time, but I do know that with hard work I can keep the fire stoked. Nuggets of advice from published writers, editors and publishers encourages even the beginning writer.
I have yet to stumble on advice that says all things are hopeless! I am not naive enough to think they aren't out there, but I have been fortunate enough to see a lot of positive advice. No one has portrayed the industry as easy, quite the contrary, they readily tout the difficulties, but they are inspiring in their truth; keep on keepin' on and work hard to develop the craft.
I am just over two weeks away from my first writing workshop, I am nervous, but anticipate an opportunity to learn and grow! Thanksgiving day is my first online lecture, keep me in your prayers. I know it is a silly thing to request prayers for, but pray I do not get discouraged.
Nose to the grindstone... I have cranked out just over 18,000 words within one week of my first draft. This is good progress! I have not worked off of an outline - a mistake? We'll find out. The characters are fleshing out in greater depth than they did in my first first-draft. The drama is tense, the pace is smoother; I already feel more at home with this draft.
There is still much to develop and work on, but it is in progress. One step at a time, the distance will be covered!
A little over one week of consistent, diligent and intentional writing under my belt and I feel like the pace is sustainable.
My Moleskine notebook is getting its wear and tear. The beautiful little navy blue book has the written contents of my brain all over it. Random thoughts, sketches of business cards, scattered notes from writer's blogs, articles from writing magazines, "quotes" from my characters, observations from life and a list of books I need to read.
Each day is success, one small brick in the building process. I feel like I poured gasoline on the fire last week and I am beginning to feel the effects of the "rager" slowing to a steady fire. I have no grand notion that the heat will rage for a long time, but I do know that with hard work I can keep the fire stoked. Nuggets of advice from published writers, editors and publishers encourages even the beginning writer.
I have yet to stumble on advice that says all things are hopeless! I am not naive enough to think they aren't out there, but I have been fortunate enough to see a lot of positive advice. No one has portrayed the industry as easy, quite the contrary, they readily tout the difficulties, but they are inspiring in their truth; keep on keepin' on and work hard to develop the craft.
I am just over two weeks away from my first writing workshop, I am nervous, but anticipate an opportunity to learn and grow! Thanksgiving day is my first online lecture, keep me in your prayers. I know it is a silly thing to request prayers for, but pray I do not get discouraged.
Nose to the grindstone... I have cranked out just over 18,000 words within one week of my first draft. This is good progress! I have not worked off of an outline - a mistake? We'll find out. The characters are fleshing out in greater depth than they did in my first first-draft. The drama is tense, the pace is smoother; I already feel more at home with this draft.
There is still much to develop and work on, but it is in progress. One step at a time, the distance will be covered!
Monday, November 8, 2010
What's your story?
What is it that makes you tick? What makes your blood race through your veins?
This path I am on is mine alone. Each obstacle is set there for me to learn from. My unique brain - critical thinking skills and former experiences - will play in to how I solve problems, manage obstacles, work hard toward success and eventually achieve that success.
The purpose of this blog is not to create a self-righteous place for my voice to be heard. I had a strict aversion to blogging because I didn't think anyone cared what went on in my brain. For the most part, that is true and will remain that way!
But, I do have something to say and a unique opportunity to learn from the process as well as participate in the process. The chronicles in this blog are for me to practice crafting my voice with an audience in mind, preparing myself for presentation and hopefully inspiring something in each of you.
That is where this particular thread is leading.
As I have thought about the blog while away from it, I envision my audience. Some may read this regularly, some may just pop in for the occasional update, whatever your interest or purpose, my goal remains the same; to write something worth reading.
Each of us is uniquely designed. Deep inside of you is the tinder of your soul-cry waiting to be ignited. At times it stays dormant - barely a whisper to remind us it remains - but, allow inspiration to cast a spark onto that tinder and hope, purpose and destiny ignite into a fire.
Fear can crush dreams. Tender hope can be snuffed by logic and "reality", inspiration quenched by unanswerable questions and dreams dissolved like a fog dispersed by the wind.
But I say let us chase inspiration; let us dream dreams and allow ourselves hope. Let's embrace them like a true love rather than watch from afar and stand in envy of others who reach theirs.
It is false perception to believe anyone attained success easily. Actors, actresses, dancers, athletes, leaders, writers, artists, musicians - anyone worthy of admiration for their skill - worked the talent they had, honing their craft, disciplining their skills and learning the trade. Raw latent doesn't get anyone very far. It is discipline and work that gets people to their goals. Mediocre talented people have gotten further in this life because of their work ethic than extremely talented people who didn't work at it.
So what measure of talent do you have? What can you do to learn more about that thing that interests you? What can you invest into your talent? What resources do you need to increase your skill?
If time and money were no obstacle, what would you do? Dream!
Now, settle back into reality momentarily. What can you do in your given circumstances within your abilities to begin reaching toward that dream? Is there a book, magazine, workshop, class, or person you could talk to? Take a risk. (I am not condoning going into debt, forsaking your family or marriage, throwing all caution to the wind or otherwise being reckless)
Celebrate with me as I forge ahead on my journey, thank you for your support, encouragement, constructive criticism and truth. But look internally; focus on that. What inspires you? What is your dream? Now chase after your dream. You deserve it.
Worth reading:
Matthew 25:14 - 30
The parable of the talents
Worth hearing:
Between the Trees by Rob Bell Pastor Mars Hill Church, Grand Rapids, MI
This path I am on is mine alone. Each obstacle is set there for me to learn from. My unique brain - critical thinking skills and former experiences - will play in to how I solve problems, manage obstacles, work hard toward success and eventually achieve that success.
The purpose of this blog is not to create a self-righteous place for my voice to be heard. I had a strict aversion to blogging because I didn't think anyone cared what went on in my brain. For the most part, that is true and will remain that way!
But, I do have something to say and a unique opportunity to learn from the process as well as participate in the process. The chronicles in this blog are for me to practice crafting my voice with an audience in mind, preparing myself for presentation and hopefully inspiring something in each of you.
That is where this particular thread is leading.
As I have thought about the blog while away from it, I envision my audience. Some may read this regularly, some may just pop in for the occasional update, whatever your interest or purpose, my goal remains the same; to write something worth reading.
Each of us is uniquely designed. Deep inside of you is the tinder of your soul-cry waiting to be ignited. At times it stays dormant - barely a whisper to remind us it remains - but, allow inspiration to cast a spark onto that tinder and hope, purpose and destiny ignite into a fire.
Fear can crush dreams. Tender hope can be snuffed by logic and "reality", inspiration quenched by unanswerable questions and dreams dissolved like a fog dispersed by the wind.
But I say let us chase inspiration; let us dream dreams and allow ourselves hope. Let's embrace them like a true love rather than watch from afar and stand in envy of others who reach theirs.
It is false perception to believe anyone attained success easily. Actors, actresses, dancers, athletes, leaders, writers, artists, musicians - anyone worthy of admiration for their skill - worked the talent they had, honing their craft, disciplining their skills and learning the trade. Raw latent doesn't get anyone very far. It is discipline and work that gets people to their goals. Mediocre talented people have gotten further in this life because of their work ethic than extremely talented people who didn't work at it.
So what measure of talent do you have? What can you do to learn more about that thing that interests you? What can you invest into your talent? What resources do you need to increase your skill?
If time and money were no obstacle, what would you do? Dream!
Now, settle back into reality momentarily. What can you do in your given circumstances within your abilities to begin reaching toward that dream? Is there a book, magazine, workshop, class, or person you could talk to? Take a risk. (I am not condoning going into debt, forsaking your family or marriage, throwing all caution to the wind or otherwise being reckless)
Celebrate with me as I forge ahead on my journey, thank you for your support, encouragement, constructive criticism and truth. But look internally; focus on that. What inspires you? What is your dream? Now chase after your dream. You deserve it.
Worth reading:
Matthew 25:14 - 30
The parable of the talents
Worth hearing:
Between the Trees by Rob Bell Pastor Mars Hill Church, Grand Rapids, MI
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Patience... For you AND me
I tend to have this insatiable appetite to make people happy. It is one of my greatest strengths and also my biggest weakness. It makes me soft and mold able to the needs of others. It crushes me under the weight of expectation.
Hang on, I'm not blaming anyone for anything. I am just admitting this "out loud" for a purpose.
I feel the weight like a blanket of wet concrete to produce something for your efforts in reading my blog. Yes, you read that right, I feel obligated in some way to produce something of value for you. It's on the way. But not anytime soon.
Every day I wake up with this genuine desire to just be a writer and a reader, but then I get in my own way! I want my novel to be finished and in my hands a revised manuscript that publishers and agents are scrambling to get their hands on. Hold up there Missy, back the bus up.
Nine years ago I had a profound moment in my life as a writer. I had always known that the blood that pounded in my veins was there to support life so that I could write. I was at a prayer meeting with several members of the church and the leader operated in the prophetic. He gently pulled me up front, and prayed for me. He looked at me and confirmed what I already knew but was afraid to say out loud to anyone - I would publish books.
"You will one day write and publish books, but right now you are in a training season. God will sharpen your words and you will break shackles off of people." That was pretty much all I got from this pastor, but it wasn't just the 30 words he spoke to me, it was the confirmation and images that God Himself put inside of me. The power wasn't in what this pastor spoke, but releasing what God wanted to do in and through me.
Anyone who knows me well knows that some of these I have run with - "breaking shackles"... that one is pretty obvious. "Training season" - another obvious one. "Write and publish books" - I'm working on it.
I have never doubted it. I have questioned "how" numerous times, "when" and "what" all the time and just coasted for a duration of that time.
Let me be very painfully honest with you. I caution that I tell you of this not to waste my pain or get any pity from you, if you try, I won't accept, because I believe fully in what God is doing.
I started the content of this specific novel series early 2007. We are edging in on four years. The beauty of the story morphed from ideas, to characters, to people that were part of my life. I knew them! I loved them!
I wrote the first draft of my novel from beginning to end without stopping from October to December of 2009. I had a lot of stories written, character development, a lot of unusable fluff and a good timeline prior to crafting the draft. But I had 120,000 words of a novel on paper. That was fun to say!
I got stuck. I wanted to move on to the second story, but it didn't flow. I came to hate the first draft. I knew the story was beautiful, but the writing didn't do it justice. I tried to revise and edit, it got a little better. But even though it did move in time decently, it didn't flow. No one would fall in love with the story. People who knew me would appreciate the story because they loved me. I would hit a market of about 25 people who would pat me on the back and congratulate me for such hard work, but the manuscript wouldn't change the world.
I wrestled with God.
I lay in be one night reading a personal development book. I had just finished my quiet time and I was just reading for pleasure.
I heard Him whisper. "Throw the book away." He was not referring to the book I was reading...
My stomach dropped into my knees and I put my book down, turned out the lights and ignored the words that I just heard. "It couldn't be God, why would He ask me to do something like that?" I scoffed. I fell asleep with the fearful notion that my God was asking me to do something very difficult. I ignored Him.
A few months passed, I heard no other word from God. The book stagnated, I tried, I labored in vain. I began to hate the book that I had crafted. I was stuck.
Dan and I both knew that June was an important month. For some reason, we both understood that something was going to happen for both of us. We didn't know what it was, but I knew that i needed to make June a month about God. No counseling, coaching, restoration ministry. I would make the month about spending time with God and writing my books.
Dan planned a bunch of fun stuff for him to get some guy time. It had been on the books for months. Fishing, camping, motorcycle rides, golfing; whatever he wanted to do, we had saved up the money and I had given him as much time as he needed to just be a guy. He left for a three day motorcycle ride with a friend.
I wrestled with God. I received some healing for some things that I had let go on too long - I spent some time forgiving people and making restitution to people I had hurt. It was laborious, painful and brought incredible amounts of healing.
I heard Him again. It only took one more time. "Throw the book away."
I begged and pleaded with God as I drove home. My mother was at home with my girls so I could have some time with God. She knew I was up at the church praying and studying. I came in looking like the world ended. She knew that something was wrong, but stayed calm, which was good. I couldn't have anyone talk me out of this.
I left the church weeping. I'm glad no other staff saw me.
"If this is not from You, then you better send something to stop me. If this is a test, then may I pass with flying colors. You know I will be obedient, so if this isn't from You, God, then take this away from me."
I warred for the 8 minute drive, rebuking everything I could imagine. I walked straight into the house to my computer and began deleting.
It was a sobering experience. I watched the dates as they deleted. There were a few back to 2006 that were rough outlines of characters and ideas. I watched my heart get destroyed. I deleted my thumb drive, shredded my four hard copies, broke my CD copies and deleted my email copies. I got onto Dan's computer and made sure copies were off of it.
Dan called from the road.
I normally try to save drama for when he gets home, I hate ruining his vacations. I couldn't help it, I wept uncontrollably.
"I just deleted my book." I waited for the shock to hit him. He was shocked. He questioned my sanity. He knew just what went into the work I had done. He had watched me for three years (so far) and I wasn't close to finishing.
I'll save you all the dialogue. I got sick. I cried for four weeks. But it took me three months to mourn the loss of my three "kids". I actually mourned them like living breathing beings. I mourned my future and I got mad at God a few times. I told Him I trusted Him but that I was mad He had asked me to sacrifice them. I forgot to mention that as I was driving home from the church I got a vision of Abraham and Isaac, only I knew inside that God wouldn't spare my kid. Isaac had been a test for Abraham. The child of promise. I actually had to sacrifice mine for God.
But shackles were broken. Obedience brought about clarity, vision, and a fresh wind. Dan asked me if God was telling me that I couldn't write that same story.
Not at all. God wanted to un-stick it. He wanted my full obedience. He wanted it to be His story. It is His story. The story is so big, so beautiful, I couldn't possibly be that cool. The characters are fallible, raw and human, but it is a picture of grace, unconditional love in and through God's people that brings about healing and hope. But it isn't just a story to enjoy and to pack away, I believe it is a story that will engage, challenge, inspire and change the lives of those who read it.
So, patience - I say this to me. It will come. It will be His timing, with a lot of my hard work. I won't rush it, but I will push it. This is just one understanding of what God has been doing, and I know I can't even come close to comprehending!
Hang on, I'm not blaming anyone for anything. I am just admitting this "out loud" for a purpose.
I feel the weight like a blanket of wet concrete to produce something for your efforts in reading my blog. Yes, you read that right, I feel obligated in some way to produce something of value for you. It's on the way. But not anytime soon.
Every day I wake up with this genuine desire to just be a writer and a reader, but then I get in my own way! I want my novel to be finished and in my hands a revised manuscript that publishers and agents are scrambling to get their hands on. Hold up there Missy, back the bus up.
Nine years ago I had a profound moment in my life as a writer. I had always known that the blood that pounded in my veins was there to support life so that I could write. I was at a prayer meeting with several members of the church and the leader operated in the prophetic. He gently pulled me up front, and prayed for me. He looked at me and confirmed what I already knew but was afraid to say out loud to anyone - I would publish books.
"You will one day write and publish books, but right now you are in a training season. God will sharpen your words and you will break shackles off of people." That was pretty much all I got from this pastor, but it wasn't just the 30 words he spoke to me, it was the confirmation and images that God Himself put inside of me. The power wasn't in what this pastor spoke, but releasing what God wanted to do in and through me.
Anyone who knows me well knows that some of these I have run with - "breaking shackles"... that one is pretty obvious. "Training season" - another obvious one. "Write and publish books" - I'm working on it.
I have never doubted it. I have questioned "how" numerous times, "when" and "what" all the time and just coasted for a duration of that time.
Let me be very painfully honest with you. I caution that I tell you of this not to waste my pain or get any pity from you, if you try, I won't accept, because I believe fully in what God is doing.
I started the content of this specific novel series early 2007. We are edging in on four years. The beauty of the story morphed from ideas, to characters, to people that were part of my life. I knew them! I loved them!
I wrote the first draft of my novel from beginning to end without stopping from October to December of 2009. I had a lot of stories written, character development, a lot of unusable fluff and a good timeline prior to crafting the draft. But I had 120,000 words of a novel on paper. That was fun to say!
I got stuck. I wanted to move on to the second story, but it didn't flow. I came to hate the first draft. I knew the story was beautiful, but the writing didn't do it justice. I tried to revise and edit, it got a little better. But even though it did move in time decently, it didn't flow. No one would fall in love with the story. People who knew me would appreciate the story because they loved me. I would hit a market of about 25 people who would pat me on the back and congratulate me for such hard work, but the manuscript wouldn't change the world.
I wrestled with God.
I lay in be one night reading a personal development book. I had just finished my quiet time and I was just reading for pleasure.
I heard Him whisper. "Throw the book away." He was not referring to the book I was reading...
My stomach dropped into my knees and I put my book down, turned out the lights and ignored the words that I just heard. "It couldn't be God, why would He ask me to do something like that?" I scoffed. I fell asleep with the fearful notion that my God was asking me to do something very difficult. I ignored Him.
A few months passed, I heard no other word from God. The book stagnated, I tried, I labored in vain. I began to hate the book that I had crafted. I was stuck.
Dan and I both knew that June was an important month. For some reason, we both understood that something was going to happen for both of us. We didn't know what it was, but I knew that i needed to make June a month about God. No counseling, coaching, restoration ministry. I would make the month about spending time with God and writing my books.
Dan planned a bunch of fun stuff for him to get some guy time. It had been on the books for months. Fishing, camping, motorcycle rides, golfing; whatever he wanted to do, we had saved up the money and I had given him as much time as he needed to just be a guy. He left for a three day motorcycle ride with a friend.
I wrestled with God. I received some healing for some things that I had let go on too long - I spent some time forgiving people and making restitution to people I had hurt. It was laborious, painful and brought incredible amounts of healing.
I heard Him again. It only took one more time. "Throw the book away."
I begged and pleaded with God as I drove home. My mother was at home with my girls so I could have some time with God. She knew I was up at the church praying and studying. I came in looking like the world ended. She knew that something was wrong, but stayed calm, which was good. I couldn't have anyone talk me out of this.
I left the church weeping. I'm glad no other staff saw me.
"If this is not from You, then you better send something to stop me. If this is a test, then may I pass with flying colors. You know I will be obedient, so if this isn't from You, God, then take this away from me."
I warred for the 8 minute drive, rebuking everything I could imagine. I walked straight into the house to my computer and began deleting.
It was a sobering experience. I watched the dates as they deleted. There were a few back to 2006 that were rough outlines of characters and ideas. I watched my heart get destroyed. I deleted my thumb drive, shredded my four hard copies, broke my CD copies and deleted my email copies. I got onto Dan's computer and made sure copies were off of it.
Dan called from the road.
I normally try to save drama for when he gets home, I hate ruining his vacations. I couldn't help it, I wept uncontrollably.
"I just deleted my book." I waited for the shock to hit him. He was shocked. He questioned my sanity. He knew just what went into the work I had done. He had watched me for three years (so far) and I wasn't close to finishing.
I'll save you all the dialogue. I got sick. I cried for four weeks. But it took me three months to mourn the loss of my three "kids". I actually mourned them like living breathing beings. I mourned my future and I got mad at God a few times. I told Him I trusted Him but that I was mad He had asked me to sacrifice them. I forgot to mention that as I was driving home from the church I got a vision of Abraham and Isaac, only I knew inside that God wouldn't spare my kid. Isaac had been a test for Abraham. The child of promise. I actually had to sacrifice mine for God.
But shackles were broken. Obedience brought about clarity, vision, and a fresh wind. Dan asked me if God was telling me that I couldn't write that same story.
Not at all. God wanted to un-stick it. He wanted my full obedience. He wanted it to be His story. It is His story. The story is so big, so beautiful, I couldn't possibly be that cool. The characters are fallible, raw and human, but it is a picture of grace, unconditional love in and through God's people that brings about healing and hope. But it isn't just a story to enjoy and to pack away, I believe it is a story that will engage, challenge, inspire and change the lives of those who read it.
So, patience - I say this to me. It will come. It will be His timing, with a lot of my hard work. I won't rush it, but I will push it. This is just one understanding of what God has been doing, and I know I can't even come close to comprehending!
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Bigger'n me
If any of you have ever seen my office at home or my office at work you will understand how my brain works. I am always going a million miles an hour. Rest is unusual for me. I am surprised I don't struggle with insomnia!
My offices are organized chaos. They stress out my more traditionally organized friends. I have cork board on my walls, assorted colored dry erase markers, Sharpies, tape, index cards, push pins, sticky notes and print outs pinned up everywhere. It all makes sense to me! It is my brain, spilled out onto papers put up so I can take a look at it all at once.
Rather than organizing it neatly into binders or in digital format I display it so I can grasp it all at one time.
It is deeply satisfying to me when all my lists, notes, scribbles, color specific scraps of paper and musings come together like abstract puzzle pieces. There is a bigger picture in my head, but sometimes I have to empty out the contents, organize them into their small groups and begin piecing them together to bring that picture together.
I fought this for quite some time. I was certain that a "good" Christian did it a certain way. Got up and read her bible early in the morning, did a well-planned bible study or devotional book, maybe some journaling and organized bullet points, prayed for a certain amount of time and then might squeeze in some praise and worship time if I got the chance.
I was able to adopt these habits pretty well for a few years, but once I had kids, any semblance of control flew out the window like wild bird it was.
I developed a deep appreciation for the Spiritual Disciplines (as Dallas Willard puts it). There is such value and truth to the disciplines and that cannot be overlooked. But it was the way in which I did it. (By the way, The Spirit of the Disciplines is a must read)
Confession time:
I am terrible at the "first-thing-in-the-morning" quiet time. I feel amazing when I actually get up before my family and get to do it. But... it's unrealistic.
I do mine right before I go to bed. The house is settled in for the night. My kids are asleep, I have done my workout for the day, I have cleaned what I can clean for the day, I have paid bills, made phone calls (or not), returned emails (or not), scheduled my day for the next day, spent time with my husband and my kids and gotten in my "scheduled" writing time.
Some of you might be gasping and claiming blasphemy of not putting the Lord first in everything I do. I beg to differ. I put God first in everything I do.
I do not take a breath or a step in the day without His name on my lips and His will in my heart. Now, mind you, I get it wrong some of the time, but I am certainly aiming toward Him in all the things I put my hands to do.
What happened in my discovery of doing this my way is that it freed me from the guilt of not doing it "right". If I didn't fit it in first thing in the morning, I would be plagued with guilt for not doing it (of my own fabrication or that of the enemy's) all day. Then, any time I did something other than my study time I felt guilty. Work was guilty, working out was guilty, grocery shopping was guilty. Anything was target for guilt.
Freedom came when I released myself from my own expectation of doing my quiet time in the morning. I looked forward to reading the bible, reading a personal development book, journaling and praying. I was released from expectations God did not communicate to me.
Well... what about "put God first in everything you do?" What about "love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength?"
Simple. I do. Everything I do puts Him first. My energy, my breathing, my thoughts are all run through that filter. I filter every decision through Him, or at least I try to. Sometimes He slows me down and reminds me that I am running ahead of him.
I get to go to bed, protected, with His name on my lips. I open myself up to have beautiful dreams and visions while I am asleep. I am open to Him speaking to me in my dreams. I wake from a night spent with Him. Creativity flows when He speaks to me. I am free and free indeed to walk the path He chose for me, not one I imposed on myself or that someone else imposed on me.
Fear is just a lie that tempts my mind. It does not consume me the way it once did.
Today, I got my day going like normal, with a ministry stop along the way (which was a highlight of the day), came home and immersed myself in writing. I wrote 3836 words of my novel, breaking open a stagnant place I have been in.
I have had frustration in returning to the novel. I have been frustrated with how stalled I have been. The words just wouldn't come. So in my frustration, I would veer off into other writing projects. All fulfilling and interesting, great practice and important, but not my first love. The novel is my first love (besides Dan!).
I hunkered down in my writing chair, laptop on, well, my lap, my lunch next to me and a Reese's Pieces Peanut Butter Cup to carry me along the way. I started writing, rather poorly if I would admit it out loud, and then, it started to flow.
My journey continues. The story comes out. While exciting, yes, it takes a lot of hard work! Determination and flat out discipline. From blank white digital pages to ideas and word pictures.
Possibility bleeds from the pages in black and white. If anyone were to cut me, I think I would bleed in black and white. Print is my lifeblood. Blogging is good. Print is my masterpiece.
John 1:1 - 2 "In the beginning was the word and the word was with God, and the word was God. He was with God in the beginning."
John 1:14 "The word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen His glory, the glory of the one and Only who came from the Father, full of grace and truth."
God refers to Jesus as the "word" of God. When He inspires something, it is by His breath. He breathes into me and something is created. God needed only His breath, His word, to breathe into dirt and create man. We are dirt, with only breath (word) in us to be alive. His word in me - nothing becomes something. Dirt becomes flesh. Ordinary becomes extraordinary.
I find such joy in writing, it is why I can't not write. I find God when I write. He finds me. We meet, we talk, I learn. He knows me and I know Him.
If nothing comes from my writing journey except a moment in his presence for the rest of my breath on this planet, then it is a moment well spent.
I pray you too will seek the breath of the Lord. Your journey is different from mine. Be free to discover that. Don't mimic my journey, let God breathe into you and create the extraordinary from the ordinary. It is why you have lungs and ears.
Resources I recommend for further study on becoming the person God created you to be:
The Me I Want to Be by John Ortberg
Sacred Pathways by Gary Thomas
Dressed to Kill by Rick Renner
Spirit Controlled Temperament by Tim LaHaye
And the list goes on...
My offices are organized chaos. They stress out my more traditionally organized friends. I have cork board on my walls, assorted colored dry erase markers, Sharpies, tape, index cards, push pins, sticky notes and print outs pinned up everywhere. It all makes sense to me! It is my brain, spilled out onto papers put up so I can take a look at it all at once.
Rather than organizing it neatly into binders or in digital format I display it so I can grasp it all at one time.
It is deeply satisfying to me when all my lists, notes, scribbles, color specific scraps of paper and musings come together like abstract puzzle pieces. There is a bigger picture in my head, but sometimes I have to empty out the contents, organize them into their small groups and begin piecing them together to bring that picture together.
I fought this for quite some time. I was certain that a "good" Christian did it a certain way. Got up and read her bible early in the morning, did a well-planned bible study or devotional book, maybe some journaling and organized bullet points, prayed for a certain amount of time and then might squeeze in some praise and worship time if I got the chance.
I was able to adopt these habits pretty well for a few years, but once I had kids, any semblance of control flew out the window like wild bird it was.
I developed a deep appreciation for the Spiritual Disciplines (as Dallas Willard puts it). There is such value and truth to the disciplines and that cannot be overlooked. But it was the way in which I did it. (By the way, The Spirit of the Disciplines is a must read)
Confession time:
I am terrible at the "first-thing-in-the-morning" quiet time. I feel amazing when I actually get up before my family and get to do it. But... it's unrealistic.
I do mine right before I go to bed. The house is settled in for the night. My kids are asleep, I have done my workout for the day, I have cleaned what I can clean for the day, I have paid bills, made phone calls (or not), returned emails (or not), scheduled my day for the next day, spent time with my husband and my kids and gotten in my "scheduled" writing time.
Some of you might be gasping and claiming blasphemy of not putting the Lord first in everything I do. I beg to differ. I put God first in everything I do.
I do not take a breath or a step in the day without His name on my lips and His will in my heart. Now, mind you, I get it wrong some of the time, but I am certainly aiming toward Him in all the things I put my hands to do.
What happened in my discovery of doing this my way is that it freed me from the guilt of not doing it "right". If I didn't fit it in first thing in the morning, I would be plagued with guilt for not doing it (of my own fabrication or that of the enemy's) all day. Then, any time I did something other than my study time I felt guilty. Work was guilty, working out was guilty, grocery shopping was guilty. Anything was target for guilt.
Freedom came when I released myself from my own expectation of doing my quiet time in the morning. I looked forward to reading the bible, reading a personal development book, journaling and praying. I was released from expectations God did not communicate to me.
Well... what about "put God first in everything you do?" What about "love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength?"
Simple. I do. Everything I do puts Him first. My energy, my breathing, my thoughts are all run through that filter. I filter every decision through Him, or at least I try to. Sometimes He slows me down and reminds me that I am running ahead of him.
I get to go to bed, protected, with His name on my lips. I open myself up to have beautiful dreams and visions while I am asleep. I am open to Him speaking to me in my dreams. I wake from a night spent with Him. Creativity flows when He speaks to me. I am free and free indeed to walk the path He chose for me, not one I imposed on myself or that someone else imposed on me.
Fear is just a lie that tempts my mind. It does not consume me the way it once did.
Today, I got my day going like normal, with a ministry stop along the way (which was a highlight of the day), came home and immersed myself in writing. I wrote 3836 words of my novel, breaking open a stagnant place I have been in.
I have had frustration in returning to the novel. I have been frustrated with how stalled I have been. The words just wouldn't come. So in my frustration, I would veer off into other writing projects. All fulfilling and interesting, great practice and important, but not my first love. The novel is my first love (besides Dan!).
I hunkered down in my writing chair, laptop on, well, my lap, my lunch next to me and a Reese's Pieces Peanut Butter Cup to carry me along the way. I started writing, rather poorly if I would admit it out loud, and then, it started to flow.
My journey continues. The story comes out. While exciting, yes, it takes a lot of hard work! Determination and flat out discipline. From blank white digital pages to ideas and word pictures.
Possibility bleeds from the pages in black and white. If anyone were to cut me, I think I would bleed in black and white. Print is my lifeblood. Blogging is good. Print is my masterpiece.
John 1:1 - 2 "In the beginning was the word and the word was with God, and the word was God. He was with God in the beginning."
John 1:14 "The word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen His glory, the glory of the one and Only who came from the Father, full of grace and truth."
God refers to Jesus as the "word" of God. When He inspires something, it is by His breath. He breathes into me and something is created. God needed only His breath, His word, to breathe into dirt and create man. We are dirt, with only breath (word) in us to be alive. His word in me - nothing becomes something. Dirt becomes flesh. Ordinary becomes extraordinary.
I find such joy in writing, it is why I can't not write. I find God when I write. He finds me. We meet, we talk, I learn. He knows me and I know Him.
If nothing comes from my writing journey except a moment in his presence for the rest of my breath on this planet, then it is a moment well spent.
I pray you too will seek the breath of the Lord. Your journey is different from mine. Be free to discover that. Don't mimic my journey, let God breathe into you and create the extraordinary from the ordinary. It is why you have lungs and ears.
Resources I recommend for further study on becoming the person God created you to be:
The Me I Want to Be by John Ortberg
Sacred Pathways by Gary Thomas
Dressed to Kill by Rick Renner
Spirit Controlled Temperament by Tim LaHaye
And the list goes on...
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Box of Chocolates
I like reinvention. Small tweaks here and there on the otherwise perfectly perfect. I find beauty and sometimes humor in those things. Hence, the box of chocolates. You never know...
"Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." True enough, but definitely true about this blog. I have every intention of keeping it focused on the journey to my novels, but we may rabbit trail every now and again.
The topic for today? The purpose of this blog. Yes, there is a purpose. I am not just aimlessly posting stuff hoping that people will take interest in my otherwise ordinary life!
I have this grand vision of producing some pretty awesome books about this story that God put inside me. The story is a product of my imagination but there is a lot of reality in it as well.
Observations from life, things that have actually happened to me or people around me, discoveries of the human condition, and the central point of my life - discovery of the Creator of Heaven and Earth and the reality of the spiritual realm.
The story unfolds in my mind like a movie. Sometimes I am just watching things unfold. At the end of writing furiously I see inspiration at every turn and my characters have taken turns I didn't know they were going to take. Sometimes I know exactly where they need to go, but I don't know how they will get there, and then after some pressure, tension and reality they come to the end I needed them to come to.
I've been writing since I was a child, but I have been writing this particular story for three years. Every novel has a story behind it. Every novel has a writer, with a real life lived, that stands as the pillar under that book. Why waste it? Pain has a purpose.
James 1:2 - 4 "Dear brothers and sisters, whenever troubles comes your way, consider it an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything." Some translations declare that "you will be lacking nothing."
I chuckle at this every time I read James because I do consider each trial an opportunity. It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt and I am not affected deeply in the midst of trials, it just simply means that I have an attitude of acceptance, openness and self-evaluation. I am ready for opportunities for growth and maturity. But I bleed, sometimes profusely.
I think this is an opportunity. With those closest to me prickling at the idea of opening myself up for such risk of pain and hurt, I still forge ahead. This life is not my own, it is for Christ that I live this life - why I breathe, and why my heart beats - and it is for you that I would serve and love in the face of our adversary.
Love is an action, not a feeling. Love can only be true when it faces opposition. Until then, "love" is a good feeling of hormones in the body.
So, here is my invitation to join me as I walk this journey to the finished story.
A couple of things before we start out:
1. You won't stop me or discourage me.
You can question and doubt until you are blue in the face. You can believe that I won't make it, that this is just a neat fantasy that I have. I smile because you have only caught me mid-journey.
You are welcome to come along, but you won't be able to stop me.
(Small fact: My first name means "Industrious one" or hardworking. My middle name means "Consecrated to God" - I am a hardworking individual that is committed to God - therefore, if God is for us, who can be against us.)
2. Share!
Dialog with me, challenge me. "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
Remember number one: You won't stop me, so you might as well sharpen me!
3. Remember I do bleed.
You don't need to intentionally harm me. I do have wisdom enough to sever a relationship that is poisonous!!! I don't dance with a devil; I come out punching.
4. Give me the benefit of the doubt.
If I hurt you, I did not mean to. I am human, I love Jesus, but I will never claim perfection in my pursuit for His righteousness in my life.
I never declared that I was perfect, and neither did He. His true love in action has simply accepted my repentance and my commitment to love him, serve him and do life with Him.
5. Let's have some fun!
I will be real and genuine. I have nothing to hide. Sometimes I am not completely transparent, there are things that I am working on, but you will always get honesty from me.
I am not the most scholarly writer out there and I have a lot to learn, but I am in a breathless pursuit of learning - I am a life long learner. I intend to bringing excellence along with being genuine.
My favorite musician, Jonny Lang, has a song "Don't Stop". It is a great blues-rock version of the prodigal son. But my favorite line from the song is "the journey of a thousand miles starts when you take the first step."
One foot in front of the other, consider this one step in the journey of a thousand miles...
"Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." True enough, but definitely true about this blog. I have every intention of keeping it focused on the journey to my novels, but we may rabbit trail every now and again.
The topic for today? The purpose of this blog. Yes, there is a purpose. I am not just aimlessly posting stuff hoping that people will take interest in my otherwise ordinary life!
I have this grand vision of producing some pretty awesome books about this story that God put inside me. The story is a product of my imagination but there is a lot of reality in it as well.
Observations from life, things that have actually happened to me or people around me, discoveries of the human condition, and the central point of my life - discovery of the Creator of Heaven and Earth and the reality of the spiritual realm.
The story unfolds in my mind like a movie. Sometimes I am just watching things unfold. At the end of writing furiously I see inspiration at every turn and my characters have taken turns I didn't know they were going to take. Sometimes I know exactly where they need to go, but I don't know how they will get there, and then after some pressure, tension and reality they come to the end I needed them to come to.
I've been writing since I was a child, but I have been writing this particular story for three years. Every novel has a story behind it. Every novel has a writer, with a real life lived, that stands as the pillar under that book. Why waste it? Pain has a purpose.
James 1:2 - 4 "Dear brothers and sisters, whenever troubles comes your way, consider it an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything." Some translations declare that "you will be lacking nothing."
I chuckle at this every time I read James because I do consider each trial an opportunity. It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt and I am not affected deeply in the midst of trials, it just simply means that I have an attitude of acceptance, openness and self-evaluation. I am ready for opportunities for growth and maturity. But I bleed, sometimes profusely.
I think this is an opportunity. With those closest to me prickling at the idea of opening myself up for such risk of pain and hurt, I still forge ahead. This life is not my own, it is for Christ that I live this life - why I breathe, and why my heart beats - and it is for you that I would serve and love in the face of our adversary.
Love is an action, not a feeling. Love can only be true when it faces opposition. Until then, "love" is a good feeling of hormones in the body.
So, here is my invitation to join me as I walk this journey to the finished story.
A couple of things before we start out:
1. You won't stop me or discourage me.
You can question and doubt until you are blue in the face. You can believe that I won't make it, that this is just a neat fantasy that I have. I smile because you have only caught me mid-journey.
You are welcome to come along, but you won't be able to stop me.
(Small fact: My first name means "Industrious one" or hardworking. My middle name means "Consecrated to God" - I am a hardworking individual that is committed to God - therefore, if God is for us, who can be against us.)
2. Share!
Dialog with me, challenge me. "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
Remember number one: You won't stop me, so you might as well sharpen me!
3. Remember I do bleed.
You don't need to intentionally harm me. I do have wisdom enough to sever a relationship that is poisonous!!! I don't dance with a devil; I come out punching.
4. Give me the benefit of the doubt.
If I hurt you, I did not mean to. I am human, I love Jesus, but I will never claim perfection in my pursuit for His righteousness in my life.
I never declared that I was perfect, and neither did He. His true love in action has simply accepted my repentance and my commitment to love him, serve him and do life with Him.
5. Let's have some fun!
I will be real and genuine. I have nothing to hide. Sometimes I am not completely transparent, there are things that I am working on, but you will always get honesty from me.
I am not the most scholarly writer out there and I have a lot to learn, but I am in a breathless pursuit of learning - I am a life long learner. I intend to bringing excellence along with being genuine.
My favorite musician, Jonny Lang, has a song "Don't Stop". It is a great blues-rock version of the prodigal son. But my favorite line from the song is "the journey of a thousand miles starts when you take the first step."
One foot in front of the other, consider this one step in the journey of a thousand miles...
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Inspiration
Inspiration strikes me at ALL hours of the day, and when I least expect it. (Maybe I should just start expecting it). Wait, I take that back. I do expect it. Anyone who knows me, even a little, has seen my huge spiral bound notebook that I carry around for when inspiration hits me, or my Moleskine notebook that fits perfectly into my purse.
Or, what about my green backpack that everyone makes fun of me for? You know what's in my "bag of tricks"? My spiral notebook journal (I try to change colors when I use a new one, currently I'm using a navy one with brightly colored circles on it - the next blank one is green - and I've used two black ones and a plain navy one), my calfskin NLT bible, a novel - the current one is called Tandem, a personal development book - currently "I quit" by Geri Scazzero, a writer's book, 10 colord pens for editing anything I have written, my thumb drive, writing magazines, and a freaking patridge in a pear tree!
I was driving down the road the other day when I was inspired. I started to tear up at the beautiful metaphor that God gave me as I was driving. As soon as I could I stopped in a parking lot and began furiously writing all the things I could so that when I got the chance to write I would have some good notes to stir fresh creativity.
I am currently working on a short story called The Performance. I'll upload it as soon as I am done. I have the first draft almost completed and after editing and revision it will be worth posting.
Thanks to those who have decided that this is worth reading, there will be more to come as the inspiration comes and my diligence in writing is crafted. I look forward to this journey, I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!
Or, what about my green backpack that everyone makes fun of me for? You know what's in my "bag of tricks"? My spiral notebook journal (I try to change colors when I use a new one, currently I'm using a navy one with brightly colored circles on it - the next blank one is green - and I've used two black ones and a plain navy one), my calfskin NLT bible, a novel - the current one is called Tandem, a personal development book - currently "I quit" by Geri Scazzero, a writer's book, 10 colord pens for editing anything I have written, my thumb drive, writing magazines, and a freaking patridge in a pear tree!
I was driving down the road the other day when I was inspired. I started to tear up at the beautiful metaphor that God gave me as I was driving. As soon as I could I stopped in a parking lot and began furiously writing all the things I could so that when I got the chance to write I would have some good notes to stir fresh creativity.
I am currently working on a short story called The Performance. I'll upload it as soon as I am done. I have the first draft almost completed and after editing and revision it will be worth posting.
Thanks to those who have decided that this is worth reading, there will be more to come as the inspiration comes and my diligence in writing is crafted. I look forward to this journey, I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Pain, Hmmm...
Sometimes I don't know why I signed on to do this. But the great reward in this life is that it is lived moment to moment, breathless and exciting; but then along comes pain.
Pain has a way of stopping one in their tracks and then sending us careeing off in a diverted direction. I have discovered that pain and a storm is not a reason to divert course, but instead, to plod through the difficult time. THEN, in faith, when God determines a call to action, we self-evaluate and find the truth to be able to allow change.
Pain is the tip of the sword when it comes to growth. Pain does not guarantee growth or maturity, pain can have devestating effects too. It is all about the attitude in which people address the pain in their lives that indicates how they will grow (or not).
I admit, I have whiney times of self pity when pain comes my way, but I really do let myself feel the pain, acknowledge it's presence and reality and then I pull off the gloves. I come out swinging. This isn't to say I am attacking any person, but I focus my energy on the reality of the task at hand.
Sometimes restitution is called for - I humble myself and bring myself into a servant position to offer an apology in action. Sometimes it is well received, sometimes not. THAT is out of my hands. But one thing I can say... I am imperfect, but God works in me. He has convicted, changed and challenged me. I get things wrong, but I honestly NEVER intentionally try to hurt anyone. That is probably my biggest burden in this life - avoiding hurting people. But the dance has gone on too long. I refuse to take responsibility for what others feel about me.
I can own my actions and the perceptions I give off to people, but when it comes to offense, I have lost too many hours of sleep over the idea of hurting people. It has torn me apart.
Can I admit something? Well, I'm going to, regardless of what your answer was (this is my blog after all).
I am tired. I am tired of worrying about what people think about me. I am tired of trying to be "on" all the time. If I fail to acknowledge you, please give me the benefit of the doubt. Maybe I was just busy. Maybe, as I perceived the importance of things going on around me, another person in crisis or need took my attention away. Maybe my boss just told me she needed me to go do something for her and in haste I ran off to take care of it. Maybe children's ministry is closing down and so as to not be rude to volunteers or staff members alike, I really DO need to go get my kids.
I can assure you that I don't intend to hurt you, it's the last thing on earth I am trying to do. But I do offend, I do fall below expectations. Please forgive me. This is not my calloused attempt at solving the problems of the world. This is not even pointed at anyone in particular (believe it or not!!). I just want to be loved. I want to be admired. I want to be liked in spite of myself!
Pain. Pain is real. Pain should not be ignored. Pain that gets ignored stunts growth and maturity. I won't ignore my pain. Growth is painful. Change is painful. My pride gets in the way, which ironically causes a lot of my pain!
I'm a work in progress. Take me or leave me, but at least give me the benefit of the doubt. I am not out to hurt anyone. In comparison, I actually only want to help the world. That's really all I want to do in this life.
But I pray that my pain would be purposeful. I pray that I am molded and shaped, which sometimes requires pressure by the fine hand of my Creator. My plea sounds pathetic and muted when I put it into that perspective.
Gloves off, I'm not shadow boxing anymore. I want to love and be loved. If I look crazy for doing things differently than other people, so be it. I'll do it differently. Call me peculiar. Call me strange, I've always thought so.
I'm a work in progress. I'm sorry to anyone who gets too close to actually know me!!! We can't live this life with people and we can't live this life without 'em. I'd rather take the pain and the people and keep on moving through life.
Pain. Hmmmmm???
Pain has a way of stopping one in their tracks and then sending us careeing off in a diverted direction. I have discovered that pain and a storm is not a reason to divert course, but instead, to plod through the difficult time. THEN, in faith, when God determines a call to action, we self-evaluate and find the truth to be able to allow change.
Pain is the tip of the sword when it comes to growth. Pain does not guarantee growth or maturity, pain can have devestating effects too. It is all about the attitude in which people address the pain in their lives that indicates how they will grow (or not).
I admit, I have whiney times of self pity when pain comes my way, but I really do let myself feel the pain, acknowledge it's presence and reality and then I pull off the gloves. I come out swinging. This isn't to say I am attacking any person, but I focus my energy on the reality of the task at hand.
Sometimes restitution is called for - I humble myself and bring myself into a servant position to offer an apology in action. Sometimes it is well received, sometimes not. THAT is out of my hands. But one thing I can say... I am imperfect, but God works in me. He has convicted, changed and challenged me. I get things wrong, but I honestly NEVER intentionally try to hurt anyone. That is probably my biggest burden in this life - avoiding hurting people. But the dance has gone on too long. I refuse to take responsibility for what others feel about me.
I can own my actions and the perceptions I give off to people, but when it comes to offense, I have lost too many hours of sleep over the idea of hurting people. It has torn me apart.
Can I admit something? Well, I'm going to, regardless of what your answer was (this is my blog after all).
I am tired. I am tired of worrying about what people think about me. I am tired of trying to be "on" all the time. If I fail to acknowledge you, please give me the benefit of the doubt. Maybe I was just busy. Maybe, as I perceived the importance of things going on around me, another person in crisis or need took my attention away. Maybe my boss just told me she needed me to go do something for her and in haste I ran off to take care of it. Maybe children's ministry is closing down and so as to not be rude to volunteers or staff members alike, I really DO need to go get my kids.
I can assure you that I don't intend to hurt you, it's the last thing on earth I am trying to do. But I do offend, I do fall below expectations. Please forgive me. This is not my calloused attempt at solving the problems of the world. This is not even pointed at anyone in particular (believe it or not!!). I just want to be loved. I want to be admired. I want to be liked in spite of myself!
Pain. Pain is real. Pain should not be ignored. Pain that gets ignored stunts growth and maturity. I won't ignore my pain. Growth is painful. Change is painful. My pride gets in the way, which ironically causes a lot of my pain!
I'm a work in progress. Take me or leave me, but at least give me the benefit of the doubt. I am not out to hurt anyone. In comparison, I actually only want to help the world. That's really all I want to do in this life.
But I pray that my pain would be purposeful. I pray that I am molded and shaped, which sometimes requires pressure by the fine hand of my Creator. My plea sounds pathetic and muted when I put it into that perspective.
Gloves off, I'm not shadow boxing anymore. I want to love and be loved. If I look crazy for doing things differently than other people, so be it. I'll do it differently. Call me peculiar. Call me strange, I've always thought so.
I'm a work in progress. I'm sorry to anyone who gets too close to actually know me!!! We can't live this life with people and we can't live this life without 'em. I'd rather take the pain and the people and keep on moving through life.
Pain. Hmmmmm???
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Blogging Virgin
I know this isn't a new idea, that of the blogging virgin, or even the nervous anticipation of a person admitting to some friends that he/she is a virgin. Sexual escapades aside, I am nervous to admit that I am of the generation who pride themselves on their blogging, and whose blog they've read recently. I'm a virgin.
But here goes...
I am writing, out of the concoction of my own life experience, my wild imagination, some divinely inspired creative juices and some grit and determination to pound the keys on my laptop, a supernatural thriller, spiritual warfare novel. It is pretty scary to admit, especially to anyone who doesn't agree with or understand the perspective I write from, but I made a decision to write as if no one would read it and then revise it so the world would love it.
It is a beautiful story of unconditional love, a parallel theme - a love story between two imperfect people and the metaphor of their love as a visual for God's love for us.
The story in my head plays out like a roller coaster romance. It is a tense relationship wrought with imperfections and failures, but at the core, the passion and raw emotion the young couple have for each other is exciting and inspiring.
Heaven and hell are at war for the souls of humanity, but this story focuses on the two main characters. They are fighting to understand the supernatural realm around them, though it is invisible to them, they discover the complexity of the system that Satan set up to fool mankind, to tempt them toward the "lighter" side of darkness. He plots to seduce them with the trappings of the flesh; lust, bondage, fear, pride, distractions, faithlessness, self-preservation, hatred, jealousies, addictions, and a whole host of other maladies.
The couple fight to gain ground on the enemy and become the man and woman that God called them to be.
They are uncomfortable with living a life of rituals that the modern church is satisfied with. They uncover a Satanic plot to inoculate believers into thinking they are living the life of redemption. The principle spirit of Slumber over the region in which they live and the heavenly strategy to take back ground from the enemy is revealed to them.
They are part of a band of seven called by God to usher in the heavenly realm of obedience and spiritual warfare onto earth. The Red City is a jewel on the crown of the King of Heaven. Can the seven usher holiness back to earth? Or will hell keep them apart?
Can they young couple's love survive when hell breaks loose against them? Or will the battle be enough to tear them apart?
Casualties will not be spared in this grand adventure between heaven and hell. Hell has nothing to lose, heaven has everything to gain. Join Kate Larson and Justin Benson as they struggle to find meaning, purpose and "truth" against an invisible army. This book reads more like a thriller than a romance, but be warned, love is the center of this story...
But here goes...
I am writing, out of the concoction of my own life experience, my wild imagination, some divinely inspired creative juices and some grit and determination to pound the keys on my laptop, a supernatural thriller, spiritual warfare novel. It is pretty scary to admit, especially to anyone who doesn't agree with or understand the perspective I write from, but I made a decision to write as if no one would read it and then revise it so the world would love it.
It is a beautiful story of unconditional love, a parallel theme - a love story between two imperfect people and the metaphor of their love as a visual for God's love for us.
The story in my head plays out like a roller coaster romance. It is a tense relationship wrought with imperfections and failures, but at the core, the passion and raw emotion the young couple have for each other is exciting and inspiring.
Heaven and hell are at war for the souls of humanity, but this story focuses on the two main characters. They are fighting to understand the supernatural realm around them, though it is invisible to them, they discover the complexity of the system that Satan set up to fool mankind, to tempt them toward the "lighter" side of darkness. He plots to seduce them with the trappings of the flesh; lust, bondage, fear, pride, distractions, faithlessness, self-preservation, hatred, jealousies, addictions, and a whole host of other maladies.
The couple fight to gain ground on the enemy and become the man and woman that God called them to be.
They are uncomfortable with living a life of rituals that the modern church is satisfied with. They uncover a Satanic plot to inoculate believers into thinking they are living the life of redemption. The principle spirit of Slumber over the region in which they live and the heavenly strategy to take back ground from the enemy is revealed to them.
They are part of a band of seven called by God to usher in the heavenly realm of obedience and spiritual warfare onto earth. The Red City is a jewel on the crown of the King of Heaven. Can the seven usher holiness back to earth? Or will hell keep them apart?
Can they young couple's love survive when hell breaks loose against them? Or will the battle be enough to tear them apart?
Casualties will not be spared in this grand adventure between heaven and hell. Hell has nothing to lose, heaven has everything to gain. Join Kate Larson and Justin Benson as they struggle to find meaning, purpose and "truth" against an invisible army. This book reads more like a thriller than a romance, but be warned, love is the center of this story...
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Getting Closer
I know, probably no one cares, but I do, and this seems as good a place as any to journal.
I am close to figuring out this stage of my journey. I am excited about the possibilities of either quitting my job or cutting my hours back to almost nothing (mainly so I can stay connected to the outside world) and taking some writing courses.
I am not afraid of answering questions about what I am doing; pursuing a writing career is pretty far fetched, but I know it is something I am called to do, it burns in my blood, and not writing hurts more than stepping out in my discomfort and the unknown to learn the craft and to hone my ability to write.
I have a story. I have several stories. But I don't have the skills yet to craft something worthy of being published, yet.
I have the raw talent, but raw talent didn't really get anyone anywhere without discipline, structure, energy, time and effort along with developing the skills needed to be good.
I am looking forward to taking courses, I think the structure will be good for me. I have been reading a lot of the resources that are in their course work, but I think applying what I have learned and forcing myself to be disciplined will be paramount.
I am ready for the new stage of my journey.
I am close to figuring out this stage of my journey. I am excited about the possibilities of either quitting my job or cutting my hours back to almost nothing (mainly so I can stay connected to the outside world) and taking some writing courses.
I am not afraid of answering questions about what I am doing; pursuing a writing career is pretty far fetched, but I know it is something I am called to do, it burns in my blood, and not writing hurts more than stepping out in my discomfort and the unknown to learn the craft and to hone my ability to write.
I have a story. I have several stories. But I don't have the skills yet to craft something worthy of being published, yet.
I have the raw talent, but raw talent didn't really get anyone anywhere without discipline, structure, energy, time and effort along with developing the skills needed to be good.
I am looking forward to taking courses, I think the structure will be good for me. I have been reading a lot of the resources that are in their course work, but I think applying what I have learned and forcing myself to be disciplined will be paramount.
I am ready for the new stage of my journey.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
New Break
I am a pastor's wife. I signed on for the job rather willingly. I do not feel pressured into a mold that other's pick for me, but I do find myself pigeonholing MYSELF into places I do not belong.
I did not enter the ministry because of my husband, that is something that I felt called to by God. As a matter of fact, I was told to RUN from ministry if there was anything else I could be doing. Needless to say, I didn't run, I'm still not running.
What I am doing is evaluating what in the world I am supposed to be doing.
I stay in the minsitry because it is a calling from God, like the blood that runs through my veins. I have different roles I have filled over the years, some funny and a little less than comfortable, but I never felt bullied into them. They jobs needed doing and being an armor bearer, I felt God's leading to step up and do them. . . besides, I was making a paychek doing one of the most rewarding jobs on the planet.
But fast forward to today. Melt down.
I think I sensed it coming, but was in denial. I still sit here writing, thinking I am in denial.
What are the expectations I am living under?
My husband has always said I can do whatever I want. He is called to be a pastor. He does it well. He does it his way and the way God has called him, not the way others demand or dictate. He is healthy. He comes home on time, takes me on dates, is romantic, is an amazing father and best friend. Does he have shortcomings? Absolutely, but he and I serve the same God of grace and mercy. He gave us that grace and mercy, he gets the same from me (albeit in human form).
But, back to me.
I radically said nearly 11 years ago that I would be a pastor's wife that breaks all stereotypes. I have not failed at delivering THAT. I break the molds. I challenge people who even think about changing me. God likes me this way (though I am a work in progress) and he wired me this way.
I have freedom from my superiors to not be the music leader (which would suck for the church because I am terrible musically), or the women's ministry leader or be painfully forced to work in children's ministry.
I have a heart for encouragement and to see spiritual formation and restoration brought to God's bride. I'm talking about a life submitted to the Lord, in beauty and freedom, not governing rules and expectations and seeing the captives set free from their spiritual strongholds; deliverance.
I am a writer, a strong calling sine I was a child. A beautiful story that he weaves in me every day and that I write as often as I can manage. It consumes me... in a good way.
I love to workout, shop, cook, travel, dream, create, have fun, get rough, talk sports and ambitions, but don't talk politics with me because I just won't do it. I know what I believe and the conversation is just not healthy to have.
I love to solve problems, organize, relax, read, write, I LOVE my Colorado Rockies.
But I have a dark side too. I have a "twin" that I want to kill. I am ashamed and would be embarrassed if some of my own thoughts got out, but then again, it is the Creator of this universe that I converse with over these very issues that deeply developes a "know and be known" relationship with my God and King.
I keep things real, transparent and welcome change and growth, even though it's painful.
I did not enter the ministry because of my husband, that is something that I felt called to by God. As a matter of fact, I was told to RUN from ministry if there was anything else I could be doing. Needless to say, I didn't run, I'm still not running.
What I am doing is evaluating what in the world I am supposed to be doing.
I stay in the minsitry because it is a calling from God, like the blood that runs through my veins. I have different roles I have filled over the years, some funny and a little less than comfortable, but I never felt bullied into them. They jobs needed doing and being an armor bearer, I felt God's leading to step up and do them. . . besides, I was making a paychek doing one of the most rewarding jobs on the planet.
But fast forward to today. Melt down.
I think I sensed it coming, but was in denial. I still sit here writing, thinking I am in denial.
What are the expectations I am living under?
My husband has always said I can do whatever I want. He is called to be a pastor. He does it well. He does it his way and the way God has called him, not the way others demand or dictate. He is healthy. He comes home on time, takes me on dates, is romantic, is an amazing father and best friend. Does he have shortcomings? Absolutely, but he and I serve the same God of grace and mercy. He gave us that grace and mercy, he gets the same from me (albeit in human form).
But, back to me.
I radically said nearly 11 years ago that I would be a pastor's wife that breaks all stereotypes. I have not failed at delivering THAT. I break the molds. I challenge people who even think about changing me. God likes me this way (though I am a work in progress) and he wired me this way.
I have freedom from my superiors to not be the music leader (which would suck for the church because I am terrible musically), or the women's ministry leader or be painfully forced to work in children's ministry.
I have a heart for encouragement and to see spiritual formation and restoration brought to God's bride. I'm talking about a life submitted to the Lord, in beauty and freedom, not governing rules and expectations and seeing the captives set free from their spiritual strongholds; deliverance.
I am a writer, a strong calling sine I was a child. A beautiful story that he weaves in me every day and that I write as often as I can manage. It consumes me... in a good way.
I love to workout, shop, cook, travel, dream, create, have fun, get rough, talk sports and ambitions, but don't talk politics with me because I just won't do it. I know what I believe and the conversation is just not healthy to have.
I love to solve problems, organize, relax, read, write, I LOVE my Colorado Rockies.
But I have a dark side too. I have a "twin" that I want to kill. I am ashamed and would be embarrassed if some of my own thoughts got out, but then again, it is the Creator of this universe that I converse with over these very issues that deeply developes a "know and be known" relationship with my God and King.
I keep things real, transparent and welcome change and growth, even though it's painful.
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